


This Was Not the Deal

by Saurynn



Series: Striking Deals [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), I was gonna tag some sexy things, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Miscommunication, Rough Sex, Top Erwin Smith, but I don't like spoiling them, of course that has to be there for.., post-ACWNR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 02:16:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20368990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saurynn/pseuds/Saurynn
Summary: After that day in the Underground alleyway, Levi joins the Survey Scouts, becoming a respected member.But when Erwin sticks to his word of never touching him again, Levi grows frustrated. He begins to resent Erwin, but not for the reason Erwin thinks.A horrible expedition gone wrong rips their feelings out into the open.





	This Was Not the Deal

**Author's Note:**

> You guys asked for it, and part two is finally here!
> 
> Enjoy our boys struggling with their lust...along with their respective resentment and guilt.
> 
> Beware, I actually cried a little bit when I wrote this.
> 
> Again, huge thanks to Levyhime for being my beta/editor <3

The Survey Scouts answered the crowd’s yelling and crying with heavy silence as they made the long journey through the gate town. They’d returned with one third of the number they’d left with. Levi’s eyes passed over the sea of angry faces, before settling on the Wings of Freedom adorning the back of his Commander ahead of him.

Levi knew that he should’ve been reflecting on the mission’s failure. He knew he should’ve been depressed, or angry, or something… Something besides contentment. As he watched the breeze blow the Commander’s cloak, he pressed onward.

Levi wondered what was in Erwin’s mind as the man held his head high. Was he still seeing that _something_ which no one else could see? Or, like Levi, did images play behind those eyes? Images of their tangled limbs within a tiny shack as a storm raged around them?

After all that had happened, Levi found himself more lost and frustrated than ever. Yet, at the same time… He’d never felt so happy.

\---

**(Three weeks ago, roughly a year since Levi joined the scouts)**

In the Survey Scouts headquarters, soldiers gathered around a table. Whenever Isabel and Farlan came to visit, that happened. The reason was simple. It was the only time they got to hear stories about their favorite tiny captain’s exploits in the underground. The man never talked about it himself, after all.

In the beginning, there had been a general distaste for Levi, held by the other scouts. They had been offended to share their table with “underground trash,” much less fight alongside him.

Eventually, things changed. At one point or another, Levi had saved the idiotic lives of just about everyone there. They had no choice but to accept him. By the end of his first month there, Levi noticed the air had begun to change when he entered a room. Instead of the usual, angry, quiet, there was a new quiet. When he entered a room, it was filled with respect and admiration.

Nowadays, even his past in the underground was seen as a subject of intrigue. That was mostly because of Isabel and Farlan’s embellished tales of heroics and charitable causes. The two bonded with the scouts over their mutual dislike for the military police. Levi didn’t think any of these scouts could hate those bastards as much as he did, but he could appreciate being amongst like-minded people.

That night’s atmosphere was particularly rambunctious. They had just returned from an expedition, a successful one for once. Things had been going much better for the Survey Corps since Erwin’s promotion to commander. The expedition had had minimal casualties, and they had reached a new milestone towards arriving at wall Maria. Their next expedition, in three weeks, would be rather easy, with the setup obtained from the previous one.

So, everyone was celebrating. Beside him, Isabel was loudly telling an exciting tale of the time they had raided the military police to retrieve a friend who had been wrongly imprisoned. He remembered that day. It was not nearly as thrilling as she was telling it. But she was a great story-teller. The scouts around him were enthralled.

Laughter boomed from the table behind them, and Levi rested his head on his hand, letting his eyes close. He could feel a headache coming from all the noise. He let himself smile as he listened to the story.

“You guys should have seen Levi-aniki tear through the military police on our way out!” Isabel declared, “He was like a beast! No one could stop him!”

Eyes still closed, Levi raised an eyebrow at that. Beside him, one of his squad, Erik, asked her a question, but Levi’s attention was fading, and he didn’t catch it. Maybe it was the little bit of alcohol he’d had, but he was already feeling drowsy.

Suddenly, something Isabel said had his attention snapping back to her.

“Oh yeah!” She laughed, “It was unbelievable. I never thought he could lose a fight, especially not to a military wuss -no offense.”

The scouts laughed it off, snickering.

“-But then Levi came back to us, all beat up, saying he wanted to join the Survey Scouts.”

Another member of his team, Lana, cut in cheerfully, “Ha! Sounds like our Commander tamed the beast!”

“You have no idea! You should’ve seen the bite mar- mph!”

Levi intervened by shoving his uneaten loaf of bread into her mouth. “That’s enough out of you.”

The whole table had gone silent at his sudden outburst, but then they broke out laughing as Isabel struggled to remove the bread.

She managed to bite off the end shoved in her mouth, escaping his grasp. She talked as she chewed, “Come on, Levi! We all know the real reason you joined was for that good di-”

He shoved the remainder of the loaf into her offending mouth.

“Keep your shitty imaginations to yourself.”

Isabel tried to mumble something in retaliation, but it was indecipherable. Levi stood as calmly as he could manage, declaring, “I need to take a shit.”

“Go get some!” Isabel called after him. Levi grimaced, ignoring her.

She smirked at him while Farlan watched him with a perplexed, calculating look that Levi fought the urge to hide from.

He couldn’t really be angry with them. They’d always been baffled by his decision. He’d never told them the real reason he’d joined the Survey Scouts rather than continue the mission: that a better deal had been struck for their freedom. They probably wouldn’t see what he had to gain from it, thinking he’d sacrificed his own freedom for theirs or some shit. They always thought so highly of him.

On his way to the door, he noticed Erwin talking to a couple of squad leaders at a table in the corner of the room. Just as he looked, Erwin turned his direction and their eyes met. Levi couldn’t read his expression. Could he have heard Isabel’s teasing?

Levi returned the cold gaze and calmly escaped the room.

Isabel meant well, but for all her teasing about there being a secret relationship between him and the Commander… she couldn’t have been any further from the truth. He was not going to go “get some.” Because, true to his word, Erwin actually hadn’t laid a hand on him since that fateful day. At least.. not the way Levi wanted.

Out in the hallway, the sounds of the celebrations faded away as Levi made his way back to his room. He must’ve drank more than he’d thought, because he felt light-headed and he wobbled on his feet.

His trek was plagued by the thoughts he’d been pushing away for months, unleashed by the alcohol. Nearly to his room, he gave up. He slid down the wall, landing in a heap on the floor. He wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his head on his knees, deciding to stay there until the hall—and his thoughts— would stop spinning out of control.

He recalled how, in the beginning, he had subtly attempted to get a round two from Erwin. He used to linger when it was just the two of them, making himself available. When Erwin hadn’t gotten the hint, Levi had begun “accidentally” running into him in the middle of the night. Even back then, as a squad leader, Erwin’s duties had kept him up late many nights.

Nothing ever came of these run-ins though. All Levi ever got was a polite smile and a soft, “goodnight.”

Once, he’d even stooped to dropping a stack of papers in Erwin’s office so he could bend over to pick them up, “unaware” of the way he was displaying his ass for his new commander. He’d gotten no reaction. When he’d looked up, Erwin had been busy as ever, writing away at his desk.

Levi wondered what it would take for Erwin to get the hint and fuck him again. Levi let his mind conjure up the image of himself storming into Erwin’s office, knocking all of those annoying documents off Erwin’s desk, and spreading himself over it in a way that couldn’t be ignored. Surely, that would do the trick.

Levi growled to himself. He couldn’t do something like that with how things stood between them. This wasn’t some underground alleyway anymore. This was the Survey Corps headquarters, and his new Commander didn’t seem to want anything to do with him.

The bastard was lucky that Levi had found a sense of purpose killing titans, or he’d have disappeared a long time ago, deal or no. To himself, Levi had to grudgingly admit that Isabel hadn’t been too far off the mark when she’d said he’d joined for Erwin.

In the hollow space between his knees and his chest, Levi’s lips turned downward into a frown.

Now Erwin had what he wanted, humanity’s strongest soldier... Apparently, there was no desire left for him. He’d had him once, and that had been enough? Was he not attractive anymore? Was it all a ploy to get him to join? Maybe it hadn’t been enjoyable enough to be worth putting up with Levi’s eternally grumpy attitude. That was probably the reason why Erwin had avoided him since becoming Commander.

Somehow, not being used was making Levi feel.. well.. used.

He was pulled from his downward spiral by the sound of footsteps and he raised his head to find a pair of boots stopped in front of him. Looking up, he peered at the towering height of Commander Smith himself.

They stared each other down.

“Are you-”

“Drunk off my ass.”

Erwin frowned down at him.

Levi huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I know. Pathetic, aren’t I?” He pushed his palms beneath himself to push off from the floor. “Didn’t even drink that much…” he slurred.

Erwin offered his hand to him, but Levi was currently pissed at him, even if there was no way the other could have known that.

He smacked the hand away with a “tch” and somehow made it to his feet on his own.

When Levi finally looked at Erwin again, he saw that familiar, polite smile plastered on his face. His next words were as disappointing as they were expected.

“Goodnight, Levi.”

\---

Levi had to give his team credit. They were pretty damn good. That’s what he should expect from getting Erwin Smith’s leftovers, he thought. When Erwin had been promoted, Levi had replaced him as Captain, and the squad was renamed Levi Squad.

Today, they were showing off. The entire headquarters were participating in a training exercise to prepare for the upcoming expedition. The Survey Corps had recently acquired new members after the success of their last mission. Although the new recruits wouldn’t be participating in this next mission, they still joined into the training for learning purposes.

Levi’s squad only had one such new member, a young woman named Petra. Truly, Levi wished not to hate the girl… he did. But, she was either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid. Because she had the nerve to ask him about the topic the rest of his team skirted around. Levi supposed it couldn’t be helped with the way Erwin avoided him like the plague nowadays.

They were going over an attack formation, when suddenly Petra asked “Sir, what did you do to make the commander hate you so much?”

Levi’s eyebrow ticked at the girl’s question. He tried to maintain his facade of not giving a damn, but his voice was terse when he responded, “Why would you ask that?”

Petra likely didn’t notice his reaction was anything unusual, but she seemed to sense the rest of the squad’s sudden anxiety.

The brave girl hesitantly continued rather than drop what was obviously a sore subject.

“I just mean… Commander Erwin checks in on each squad and gives advice, but he barely looks in our direction. It’s hardly fair.”

Levi blinked at the girl. _Tell_ him about it. He sighed as he spewed the lie that came easy to him. “Erwin trusts my judgement. His time is better spent on those fools over there who don’t know what they’re doing.” He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder where Erwin stood giving instruction to another squad.

His whole squad looked over and all of their faces lit up at once. Curiosity got the better of him and he turned to see what the big deal was. He was mildly surprised to see Erwin heading their way. Their eyes met and Erwin gave him a small smile.

The memory of the words, _“what did you do to make the commander hate you so much?”_ echoed through his mind and Levi couldn’t stop his glare before it crossed his face. Erwin either didn’t notice or didn’t care because he still came over. Levi turned back away.

“You all seem to have the hang of it over here.”

Levi’s squad members nodded in unison.

Then Petra, bless her heart, decided to repeat what Levi had just said, but in the worst way possible.

“Levi Heichou says he’s just too good and he doesn’t need you!” Petra looked way too smug about her gross mis-interpretation of Levi’s words. Levi almost facepalmed. _Almost._

A heavy hand landed on his shoulder.

“Is that so?”

Aside from when he’d smacked his hand away the other night, it was the first contact they’d shared in months, and Levi wanted to melt into the touch. His wounded pride wanted him to throw that hand off him somewhere very far away. Stuck in limbo, Levi endured the hand, giving no reaction. Sure enough, the hand removed itself on its own a moment later.

Levi took a half step away and turned to face him. Erwin’s face was eerily blank when their eyes met again.

“Tch,” Levi said, side-eying Petra, “I was merely explaining to these brats that you don’t have time for them-” or _me_, he thought, “-and that they don’t need you hovering around.” Levi’s words contradicted his own opinion on the distance between himself and Erwin. “They have me to teach them.”

Petra gasped theatrically, and at this point, Levi had to wonder if she was doing it on purpose. “Are you just gonna _take_ that _disrespect_, Commander??”

Levi rolled his eyes at her performance. Levi knew well enough that his attitude was tolerated in exchange for his contribution to humanity. Erwin had assured him, in the past, that he didn’t mind the snark. Appreciated it, even, saying it kept him humble.

So, Levi was surprised when Erwin crossed his arms and agreed with her.

“You’re right. What am I teaching the new recruits by accepting this behavior?”

Levi thought he sounded teasing, but he couldn’t tell for sure. As of recent, Levi doubted everything when it came to Erwin.

Erwin placed his hands on his hips, stood tall, and declared, “Alright, scouts! Line up!”

The other squads halted their own training to go land before their commander. Once everyone gathered, Erwin continued. “Today, we’re going to learn something a little different. So far, we’ve trained to take down opponents much larger than ourselves. Now, I’m going to demonstrate how to handle someone smaller and faster than yourself.” His hand returned itself to Levi’s shoulder.

“Hahh??” Levi looked up towards Erwin, but his protest died on his lips at the mischievous look in those blue eyes peering down at him.

From somewhere to their left, someone foolishly said, “Wouldn’t Captain Levi versus Commander Erwin be about the same as Commander Erwin versus a three-meter?”

Levi’s head snapped to the left, halting the laughter. “Who said that?”

Everyone fidgeted and refused to meet the tiny captain’s eyes.

Erwin interrupted Levi’s search for the culprit with a laugh. “Yes, but hopefully I won’t fight as dumb as a titan.”

Levi glanced at him, grateful that Erwin would turn the joke onto himself.

“Some of you might be wondering how this would have any use for you.” Erwin continued, “There may come a day when titans aren’t our only enemy.

“What do you mean by that, sir?”

“I’m just saying that fighting people is a possibility that we, as soldiers, should be prepared for.” Erwin turns back to Levi. “like when the military police need our help apprehending thieves.” Levi didn’t miss the playful smirk on Erwin’s lips, and based on the crowd’s cheers, many of them understood the reference

“Now, we’ve all sparred with each other before, but I’m going to make two points today. One, that you should never underestimate an opponent for their size. And two, that you should never disrespect your commanding officer.” He grinned at Levi, earning a scowl in return.

“Are you up for this?” he asked, quietly.

Levi looked to the gathered crowd. Erwin hadn’t really given him much choice. Clever bastard. “Whatever.”

The two removed their maneuver gear and stood a couple meters apart, facing off. The crowd held their breaths. A scout shot off a green flare, yelling “Begin!”

Erwin took the initiative, charging at the smaller man. Levi ducked beneath the arm that shot out at him, grabbing it and twisting it behind Erwin’s back. Erwin reversed, untwisting it and freeing himself. Levi darted away. Erwin followed.

For several moments, it went on like this. Erwin attacked, Levi evaded. Levi’s blood rushed in his veins. He found himself reminded of a similar chase. He realized that this wouldn’t work for the purpose of the demonstration. He’d have to counter.

So the next time Erwin lunged for him, he blocked the punch instead of dodging. Quick as lightning, he returned the blow, landing a fist in Erwin’s face.

Or he would have, if Erwin hadn’t pulled his head back in time. They exchanged a flurry of blows, mostly blocked or dodged. A couple lucky hits landed on each of them.

An idea occurred to Levi. He decided to take advantage of the fact that they’re out in the open with no walls this time. Just like long ago, Levi twisted behind the man and leapt onto his back. This time, their hands were free, so he used his arms to put Erwin into a chokehold.

Around them, the crowd cheered for Levi. He was definitely doing his job of demonstrating how a smaller person fights.

Erwin grasped at the arms encircling his neck. Levi had locked his hands around his wrists, making it impossible to throw him off, this time. Erwin had expected this, though.

For Levi, the world seemed to flip upside down. Erwin dropped like a rock, letting gravity crush the man on his back into the ground.

Levi wheezed and accidentally loosened his grip. Damn it all! This shit again! Erwin took advantage, freed himself, and returned to his feet.

The moment Erwin gained distance, Levi rolled his body back, shoved off the ground, and landed back on his feet in a crouch. Erwin dropped his stance in preparation for Levi to come at him. But at the last second, Levi turned it into a feint, sliding between Erwin’s legs and out the other side. Erwin managed to turn and catch his fist in time, though.

He latched his hand around Levi’s wrist, and when Levi pulled at it, he refused to return it to him.

Normally, when one would wrench their hand towards the point where thumb and fingers meet encircling the wrist, they would be able to break free. Levi growled in frustration because Erwin’s fucking hand was large enough for his fingers to overlap around his much smaller wrist. There was no gap to exploit.

Before he knew it, he had both hands behind his back, and a kick to the back of his legs had him on his knees.

Now, if Levi’s life was dependent on it, he had about a hundred ways to get free. Several of these methods would severely harm his assailant, however, and he was unwilling to use them in a spar. But he’d be _damned_ if he was going to lose that easily.

He leaned forward and threw his entire weight backwards, headbutting Erwin in the groin.

The crowd gasped around them “Oooh!” they winced.

Yet, Erwin’s grip remained firm. Levi found himself shoved to the ground, getting a mouth full of grass. There was a hand in his hair, and his pulse spiked. Now was not the time for a boner. _Please_ don’t humiliate yourself, he silently begged. At least Erwin’s body has maintained at a proper distance.

Above him, Erwin addressed the scouts around them. “Once you get the target pinned in this position, it’s only a matter of time before they surrender.”

Levi thought he could hear a hint of a double meaning meant only for him. Was Erwin trying to mock him?

With a snarl, Levi kicked his leg up, forcefully plunging his heel into Erwin’s tender thigh muscle. The man grunted in pain and lost his balance. Levi summoned an unnatural strength to roll his body towards that weakened knee, knocking it out from under Erwin. The man fell like a tree in a forest while Levi rolled deftly out of the way.

Erwin made to get up, but Levi was on him, pinning him down with a hand on his neck and a fist raised in threat. Erwin took one look at his face and froze.

For Levi, it was like a dam had cracked. His anger and frustrations from the past months were restrained, but just barely. They were slipping through the cracks. He wanted to knock Erwin’s teeth out. But Erwin was looking up at him with such a shocked, concerned expression… Levi reigned in his fury and lowered his fist. He sighed, letting his eyes close.

Levi stepped away and turned to the stunned audience. He forced his voice to work evenly and even added in a smirk, “Erwin lowered his guard when he thought he’d won. Follow his example outside the walls, and you’ll be titan food.”

He turned and left the training fields, leaving the crowd’s roaring cheers in his wake. Behind him, Erwin remained on his ass, appearing lost in thought. Levi didn’t turn to see it.

\---

Later that night, Erwin sat at his desk, going over details for the expedition set for next week. However, his mind kept wandering to the incident on the training fields. He didn’t know what had gotten into him. He never should’ve started it in the first place, but what caused his shame was what had happened at the end. No, not his defeat. As shocking as that was… the fact that Levi had easily gotten out of the same hold from the day in the alleyway… Erwin shook his head as he does every time that day crosses his mind.

He was ashamed that he had rubbed that day in Levi’s face. Why had he chosen the same position to pin him in? There were plenty of ways to subdue someone. Was Erwin actually a sadist? Now, Levi was pissed at him. Sure, the man was always grumpy and scowling at him, but never like this.

Erwin sighed, putting down his ink pen. The thought plagues him every day, just about. In the beginning, Levi had scowled at everyone. Erwin had begun to take that as his natural state. But, then the scouts had begun to accept him, and Erwin was the only one left receiving Levi’s glares. It didn’t take a genius to understand why Levi resented_ him_ specifically.

They’d had their moments together, of course. They fought side-by-side. Ate together. Planned missions together.. Erwin trusted Levi implicitly.

At one point, in the beginning, Erwin had thought they would become great friends. Yet, as time had gone on, Levi had become more and more distant from him. What had he been doing wrong?

Erwin thought back to the times that he had… struggled. His lust for Levi was difficult to extinguish, and he was constantly attempting to smother the flame. It had taken months for Erwin to control himself during expeditions as watching Levi fight always sent blood rushing southward.

It didn’t help that Levi always seemed to roam the halls at night. Even before his promotion, Erwin had spent most nights awake, doing paperwork and hashing out his own schemes. He’d often run into Levi on his way to the bathroom or kitchen.

He would greet him, all the while, suppressing his dark thoughts about it being just the two of them alone in a dark hallway. He had his honor to uphold and a promise to keep, so he pushed those thoughts away.

Those early days, Erwin had felt like he was losing his mind. This had never happened to him before with any of his other soldiers. It was Levi, with his dark aura and his dangerous eyes that caused him to falter. Erwin wanted him.

And it was so hard, some days, not to take him. Erwin recalled the day that he’d decided he needed to distance himself from his captain. He had just become Commander, and Levi was helping him move his stuff into his new office. They had been alone, and Levi had accidentally dropped a stack of loose papers.

The way he had bent to pick them back up had been sinful. There was no way that he wasn’t doing that on purpose… right?? He’d promised not to touch him, and Levi had never said otherwise… but fuck, he’d wanted to bend Levi over his desk right then and there.

Instead, he’d picked up his pen and scribbled jibberish onto some regretfully important paperwork. He couldn’t let Levi know his dark thoughts. He did value his scouts’ trust in him, after all.

He’d dismissed Levi from his office soon after the paper incident, and from then on, stopped calling him into his office altogether. He stopped leaving his room at night, avoided him at meals, and kept his distance during training. He did everything in his power to keep himself from the one he desired.

And today, he had ruined it all.

\---

The week went by so fast in preparation for the expedition that Levi and Erwin didn’t have time to acknowledge the training incident. That’s not to say there wasn’t any tension. The tension was thick enough that scouts would enter the room, spot the two of them, and back away.

Before they knew it, they were on horseback, exiting the gates of Trost. They had always managed to put their issues aside when they went on expeditions. Fucking around outside the walls would get you killed. So, their problems stayed within the walls.

That couldn’t stop the expedition from becoming a shit-show. Midway to the checkpoint that they had established on the last mission, a storm had broken out. Visibility was low. They reached the giant forest, but they failed to see the titans until they were well within their vast numbers.

The last thing they could have expected was a horde of titans between them and their checkpoint. Levi ordered his squad to stay within hearing distance, but to kill any titan they came in contact with. His team was made up of veterans, but around them, he could tell others were struggling. He was grateful that they hadn’t brought any newbies on this one.

The shelters they’d built were not much further, but their numbers were dwindling. When Levi realized their losses were nearing 50%, he spun around, searching for Erwin. Surely, he would call the mission off under these circumstances.

But, as Levi looked around, he couldn’t find Erwin. He travelled towards where the commander should have been, and the bodies covering the forest floor multiplied. Some even hung from branches way above them. Levi felt something like panic stir in his gut.

Turning to spot his team members, he called to them over the storm, “This mission is done for! We need to find the commander and get out of here with as many scouts as possible!”

They fell in behind him, and Levi sped through the trees looking for any sign of Erwin. None of the corpses he’d passed had been him. Levi knew in his gut, somehow, that Erwin was still alive.

Levi pulled up to a tree and motioned for his team to stop. He’d seen something in the distance. Squinting through the rain, he could make out and odd-shaped titan high in the trees. It jumped from one branch to the next, terribly good at climbing. Then, Levi saw what, or rather who, the titan was chasing.

Levi didn’t hesitate before he was pushing off the tree, charging full-speed through the forest after them. Behind him, his team struggled to keep up.

“Clear the area!” He shouted back at them. Just as he’d turned his head, a titan leapt from the forest floor, catching Lana in its mouth.

Levi faltered, as did the rest of his team. Erik was the first to recover, screaming as he plunged his blades into the titan’s neck. He fell to the forest floor along with the giant. As the other titans converged around him, he stood, changed out his blades, and yelled up to him, “Captain, go!”

His squad dove to save Erik, and Levi turned to face the direction that Erwin and the strange titan had disappeared in. With a growl, Levi made his decision and swung off the tree after his commander. Behind him, he could hear the screams of his team.

When he caught up to Erwin, the man was caught in the titan’s grasp, blades nowhere to be seen. With a fierce growl, Levi swung in, slicing through the titan’s fingers. Erwin fell, struggled to get his bearings, then finally shot his grapples into a tree, stopping his descent. He looked up, surprised.

“Levi…”

The titan wasn’t through with him yet, however. The fucker was fast. It leapt to the tree Erwin was braced upon. Erwin released his grapples just in time to avoid being crushed. He winced as his shoulder connected to another tree in his hurry to get away.

Levi went for its neck, but it spun around, reaching for him. Levi couldn’t stop his momentum, so he collided with the giant hand. It couldn’t grab him without fingers, though. He kicked away from it.

Levi landed on the branch beside Erwin. “What the hell is this thing’s deal?”

“It’s fast, but worse than that, it’s intelligent.”

The titan in question looked down at its steaming finger stumps which had failed to grab its target. It stayed there, hanging from the tree by one arm. Levi had never seen anything like it. He wouldn’t call it intelligent, but it was definitely functioning beyond a normal titan’s level.

Levi raised an eyebrow at Erwin.

“Well, intelligent for a titan, I suppose.” Erwin conceded. He watched the titan for a moment as it seemed preoccupied with staring at its regenerating hand.

“Now’s our chance.”

“Erwin, wait-“

He’d already shoved off the tree, barrelling straight towards the titan’s weak spot. But the hand flew at him, this time without the intent to grab. It swung hard and fast, and it connected with Erwin with a loud “thwap!”

“Guh!” Erwin was falling again. This time, he was a ragdoll, unable to catch himself.

Levi shot after him, straightening his body into a nose-dive to close the distance. He managed to grab Erwin by the harness straps, and he latched onto the nearest tree.

Levi grunted from the strain of holding onto Erwin’s unconscious, deadweight body with one arm. He used his free hand to squeeze the trigger on Erwin’s handle, deploying the man’s own grapple into the tree.

Once Levi was sure that Erwin was secured, he shot back up to where the titan was waiting and watching them. It was creepy as hell.

Levi could feel the moment his instincts took over. His desire to finish things quickly drove his actions toward hasty precision. He sliced around the titan’s arm as it swatted at him, making his way towards the nape. In a flurry of movement, he cleaved a chunk out of the titan’s neck. As Levi watched it crash to the forest floor, he wondered just how many scouts it had killed. Looking around, Levi couldn’t see any living scouts. Only bodies.

Levi returned for Erwin. He grappled himself to the tree and allowed himself to hang just below Erwin’s limp form. From this angle, he could get a good look at Erwin’s face. Blood ran down his temple, but his eyelashes fluttered signalling he was alive.

“Oi. Wake up.” He tried to be calm about it. When he got no response, he lightly jabbed his foot into the man’s shin.

Erwin startled back into consciousness and jolted at finding himself hanging freely, several meters from the forest floor. Even with Levi hanging beneath him, it was a disorienting sight.

“Come on. I killed it, but I can’t carry you to safety.”

“Ugh..” Erwin groaned, clutching his head.

“Yeah, I know, big guy.” Levi’s voice was shaky despite his attempt to be strong in this dire situation. “Think you can move?”

Erwin nodded, meeting his eyes. He twisted in his harness, returning to a more natural position. As they took off in search of either survivors or the checkpoint, he looked around, taking in all of the fallen scouts. “The expedition… failed.”

Levi narrowed his eyes, but he only said, “Yes.”

Shortly, one of the new shelters, built high into the trees, came into view.

“We were nearly there, too.” Erwin’s hands clenched into fists. “Damnit, why?!” He turned to Levi to ask, “Did anyone else make it?”

Levi’s pause spoke volumes. “I don’t know.”

“Your squad?”

Levi’s head lowered until his face was hidden by his bangs. “...Dead.”

As they set down on the shelter’s balcony, Levi waited for some sort of outburst from Erwin. But it didn’t come.

“...I see,” was all Erwin said as he entered the shack.

Levi hesitated outside. Surely, Erwin was angry. Angry at the titans.. angry at him for losing his squad… Yet, Erwin’s face had shown no signs of distress or anger or anything besides a coldness.

Levi looked back out into the forest. He couldn’t see far in the pouring rain. He couldn’t hear anything through the storm, either. He wondered if anyone was still out there, fighting for their lives. He considered going back out to look for survivors, but knew he’d most likely just get himself killed. He could only hope that some of the scouts had made it to the other shelters nearby.

When Levi finally entered, he took in the shack’s meager furnishings. There were a couple of small cots lining one wall, some shelves with supplies, and a desk lining the other wall. It was at the desk that he found Erwin seated, head held in his hands, elbows propped. A trail of water spread between him and the door.

Levi made a similar trail as he walked to one of the cots and sat on its edge. He hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees. Thunder was somehow drowned out by the heavy silence that filled the shack as they both came to terms with the disaster they were in.

Having run out of adrenaline, Levi became wracked with guilt. He had just abandoned his team. Levi was no stranger to fellow scouts dying. He hadn’t been able to save _everyone_ since he’d joined. But these were his squadmates. They had been _his_ responsibility. He had shared a sleeping quarters with them for a couple months. They’d eaten together, trained together, laughed together… Levi would almost say they’d been friends. And Erwin.. Erwin had known them for years. They had originally been Erwin’s squad, after all. Gone, now. If Erwin knew- If he knew the way Levi had just left them there to die.. Levi held his head in his hands between his knees. He felt like he might scream.

Instead, he whispered, voice quivering, “I killed them.”

He looked to Erwin, who hadn’t moved an inch over at the desk. Maybe he hadn’t heard him. But, the aching need to confess had the words spilling from his lips again, louder.

“I killed them!”

Finally, Erwin moved. He shifted, turning to pierce him with cold, blue eyes.

In the long seconds that ticked, in which they locked eyes, Levi felt himself being torn apart. He wondered if… No, he _knew _that Erwin blamed him.

Finally, Erwin’s eyes released him, shifting to the floor. Calmly, he stated, “We can’t blame ourselves.”

Levi gaped at him. “You must not understand me! I’m saying it was my decision! I _chose_ to leave them behind.”

Erwin’s eyes never left the floor as he replied evenly, “Stop that. You keep second-guessing yourself, and you’ll regret it.” Then , he did look at him when he asked, “_Do_ you regret it?”

“...What?”

“Do you regret choosing me?”

Levi contemplated the question. Out in the storm, it had been simple. The Commander’s life was the priority. Without him to lead, the Survey Corps was lost. To Levi personally, Erwin’s life was most important, he realized. Somehow, this stone-cold bastard before him was the one who Levi thought of when all hell broke loose. He’d searched not for the commander, but for Erwin as.. whatever it was they were to each other.

Levi rose, taking the few steps to cross the shack. He slammed his hands on the desk on either side of Erwin. Even seated, Erwin’s eyes were nearly level with Levi’s own glaring ones.

“You know what? I don’t. But, maybe I _should_ regret it.” He leaned forward, getting into Erwin’s space as he continued, “Look at you. All of those soldiers just died out there for you, and you can’t even shed a tear. You used them…” His voice lowered on the last bit, whispering it into his ear, “... just like you used me.”

Levi leaned back away slightly to look into Erwin’s wide eyes as he spoke his next cruel words.

“I guess it takes a real monster to _fight_ monsters.”

Lightning struck at that moment, causing Levi to flinch. He’d been expecting swift retribution for his cruel words, but none came. Instead, Erwin’s eyes appeared hollow where they were temporarily illuminated by the lightning.

“Is that how you feel?” Erwin whispered, eyes downcast.

And he sounded truly broken. Yet, somehow resigned.

Suddenly, Levi would give anything to take those words back. _Of course_ Erwin was hurting more than he was. He just had more experience hiding it.

“No..” Levi fell to his knees before Erwin, his hands fisting into the front of his cloak. “_No_,” he repeated desperately.

Levi gazed up at Erwin with tears glistening in his eyes. “What a horrible thing for me to say,” he whispered.

Erwin still had that cold look in his eyes, and Levi would give anything to never have to see it directed at him again.

“I don’t regret it,” Levi insisted, clutching at the man. “I don’t regret any of it. From the very beginning… so.. Please…” Levi didn’t even know what to ask for.

_‘Stop treating me this way. Don’t look at me with those cold eyes. Stop blaming yourself. Use me again.’_

With that last thought, Levi’s hands unclenched from the cloak and slid down Erwin’s chest. With shaking fingers, he undid Erwin’s belts.

He was stopped by a firm hand gripping his wrist. Levi looked up, questioningly.

Eyes still blank with resignation, Erwin appeared tired. His voice was soft.

“This wasn’t the deal.”

“Fuck your deal!” Levi growled, “and _fuck me_.”

He tried to continue his work on Erwin’s zipper, but Erwin’s grip remained firm.

Levi stopped his attempts and raised his gaze once more. “Do you… really not want this?” he implored in a small voice.

Levi waited with baited breath until finally, Erwin’s expression lost its dullness. It was like something had ignited the ice in his blue eyes into a fiery inferno.

Levi found himself being dragged to his feet and bent over the desk. It creaked under their weight, not very sturdy, but large enough to suit their purpose.

Things escalated rather quickly, as Levi was divested of his harness, and his pants were dragged down as far as his boots would allow. He didn’t have it in him to complain, however, even as he was hastily prepared on impatient fingers.

There were no mishaps, this time around, as he was entered. His mind was too preoccupied to get lost in old nightmares. Besides, Levi thought as the storm raged on… tonight’s flavor was pain.

\---

Erwin thought the circumstances were too awful for him to be allowed to feel so overjoyed. He’d been drifting, wallowing in misery. But those words, spoken in that small voice, had broken the spell. It was those words that made Erwin realize what a fool he’d been.

The desire had been written all over Levi’s face. He wondered how he could have missed it before. Since that day they’d met, he’d been so hell-bent on punishing himself for his weakness.

Yet, all along, Erwin had been craving this. For too damn long. He was all out of patience. So, high in the trees above their fallen comrades, he fucked his tiny captain into a wooden desk, surrounded by the howling wind.

Moans and the creaking of the wood joined the melody of the storm.

Between harsh thrusts, Erwin’s voice joined in. “Is this what you’ve wanted this whole time?” His voice was uneven from exertion. “Did you hang around, hoping I would fuck you over my desk?”

Levi gasped, “Erwin!”

“Hmm?”

“H-harder.”

Unbelievable. He was already giving it to him fairly hard. He was so demanding.. But Erwin gave him what he wanted. His next thrust delved deeper, pushed Levi further up the desk into the rough outer wall of the shack.

Where his hands encircled Levi’s waist, nearly spanning the whole width. Erwin knew there would be bruise marks. He figured that was what his captain was after.

Because, again, Levi called out for, “Harder!”

Erwin wasn’t sure that was a good idea, but he added a little more power into the movement of his hips.

Squelches filled the air, but they were drowned out by Levi’s ragged breathing and gasps torn from him with each well-angled thrust.

And then Erwin’s blood ran cold the next time Levi, cried out.

“H-harder!” he cried.

_Actually_ cried.

Erwin abruptly realized that Levi was actually in pain beneath him... Still asking for more. Erwin stilled and released the crushing grip he’d had on him.

“What the fuck?” Levi whined at him. He turned his head back to look at him, and Erwin saw the tears running down his pale cheeks.

Erwin was stricken. “Why…?” he asked.

Levi’s eyebrows pinched together. “W-why??” he repeated his question back to Erwin, not understanding.

“Why are you asking me to hurt you?” He could hear his voice going weak.

Levi shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t you hate me?”

Erwin sucked in a breath of air. Was that what Levi thought this was for him? Did he think Erwin was punishing him for losing his team? _Erwin_ was the one who had gotten every single one of those fallen soldiers killed today.

Erwin carefully pulled out and picked Levi up off the desk, setting him on shaky feet in the center of the shack. He gently grasped Levi behind his neck, forcing him to look up at him.

“No,” he finally answers. “I could never.”

Levi looked a little lost, but he allowed Erwin to bend to one knee and pull Levi’s boots off one by one. The pants followed. Next, he undid each button of Levi’s shirt, starting at the bottom. When the last one was opened, Erwin swept his arms under the fabric, up Levi’s chest, and over his arms, pulling the shirt off as he went.

“...Even though I’m to blame?”

“You’re not,” Erwin refuted.

With the shirt removed, Levi’s scars were revealed to him. He’d seen them from afar, but never this close up. He traced his lips over one, feeling the rough texture beneath the sensitive skin of his lips. He moved onto another one, higher up.

“..What are you doi- ah!” Levi’s question was interrupted as Erwin’s tongue encircled his nipple.

Erwin eventually relinquished the nipple to reply, his voice a soft caress. “Showing you how much I don’t hate you.”

Erwin was extremely glad that he’d chosen to look at Levi when he said that. Because Levi’s eyes widened comically, and he actually blushed! Levi did!

Erwin grinned wolfishly as he rose from his knee. He pushed Levi backwards until his knees hit the edge of one of the cots, and he tumbled down. Erwin stood over the bed a moment, removing his own gear and clothing. Levi sat up on his elbows to watch, speechless for once.

The wind howled around them, and the cot creaked as Erwin added his bulk to it.

\---

Levi’s mind was still lagging behind a bit, but from the soft look in Erwin’s eyes… one he hadn’t seen in months.. Levi was beginning to catch on.

When Erwin lined his body up along Levi’s skin-to-skin, Levi realized he’d never felt that before. He’d never had sex without clothes on. It felt extremely intimate.

And if he continued letting Erwin have his way with him, that was what this whole affair was about to become. Very intimate. Levi had been prepared for a punishment tonight, yet he found this to be much more intimidating.

Erwin broke through Levi’s worrying with a brush of his hand through his dark hair. He titled Levi’s head up, stealing his gaze and then capturing his lips. Erwin chose that moment to re-enter Levi, slow and gentle. Levi arched his back and raised his hips for him. A small gasp escaped his lips, inviting Erwin in… in more ways than one.

Erwin’s tongue invaded his mouth, lazily tasting him for all he was worth. In a similar manner to his tongue, Erwin’s hips began to move, slow and languid, into Levi and back out again.

Levi tried biting Erwin’s bottom lip to instigate some more passion, but Erwin simply released his mouth.

Levi used his tongue’s freedom to complain. “Can’t you move faster?”

“I could..” Erwin pretended to think about it. “But I prefer we do it this way tonight.”

He made an example by lightly rolling his hips against Levi’s prostate, and Levi’s rebuttal died on his lips.

Levi never knew sex could be like this. He never would have thought he would _enjoy_ sex like this. Yet, Erwin’s steady, diligent movements were pulling Levi further and further underneath a wave that was sure to crash violently when it landed.

More than the physical reactions his body was having to this soft treatment, Levi’s heart was twinging in his chest. Because this felt like being loved… a concept Levi wasn’t very familiar with. The whiplash from thinking Erwin hated him a mere few minutes ago… Levi’s chest heaved. He couldn’t have fought back the tears if he’d tried.

A couple of moments passed before Erwin noticed his tears. When he did, his hips stilled and he asked in that concerned voice of his, “Am I hurting you?”

“Only on the inside.”

Erwin’s eyes worriedly shot down between them.

Levi gave a choked laugh. “No, you oaf.” He placed his hand over his heart in a mockery of their salute. “Here,” he corrected.

Erwin’s eyes softened down at him, but then they drifted lower back to the place they’d been a moment ago. He pushed back in all the way, and-  
“Oh, _fffuck_.”

Curious, Levi lifted his head to see what the big deal was. He didn’t get it at first, but then Erwin moved inside of him, and Levi saw it. Erwin was just that large. Levi could see his own belly shift as Erwin’s length pressed against it from the inside. The sight was so arousing that Levi almost came right then. He threw his head back in pleasure, arching his back further in the process.

The effect on Erwin was immediate. The bulge was more prominent with Levi’s spine curved the way it was.

“I can’t..” Erwin’s shoulders shook. “I can’t hold back.”

“Fucking don’t, then!” Levi growled at him. “I didn’t even ask you to.. _Fuck_.”

Erwin was grinding his hips into him with a clear purpose now. His eyes never left Levi’s abdomen. He fucked in deep.

His pace gradually picked up speed. Levi was about to lose his mind because his prostate was being brushed over each time Erwin’s cock moved in _and_ as it moved out.

Erwin winced above him, and Levi realized he’d raked his nails down his back. Levi didn’t know what to do, though. He needed something to hold onto. His hands found their way into Erwin’s hair just as that wave finally crashed over him. It was brutal, pulling cry after cry from his lips, and Levi couldn’t control the way his hands gripped Erwin’s scalp as he writhed in the aftershocks.

At Levi’s cries, Erwin finally tore his eyes away from where he pressed into the smaller man. He watched, enthralled by the utter bliss on Levi’s face. That sight, combined with the feeling of his hair nearly being torn from his scalp, had him nearing his own edge.

He drove in wild and bucking, spurring a litany of curses to fall from Levi’s mouth. He worried at first, but then he understood as Levi keened and his body gripped around his cock again in what was unmistakably a second orgasm.

Once Erwin had finished painting Levi’s insides white (And Levi, their stomachs), Erwin pulled out and rolled over, nearly falling off the edge of the cot in the process.

“Oof,” Levi’s breath whooshed out of him, as Erwin landed on him rather than let himself fall off.

Levi elbowed him in the side. “Go get your own cot,” he grumbled.

\---

Levi had always heard that sex was supposed to put you to sleep. But, that night, Levi didn’t think he would sleep at all. Naturally, he stressed over the failures of the day. He wondered how many scouts would be waiting for them at the other shelters in the morning. If there were any at all. He worried about the future of the Scouts, after this disaster.

But then, he looked over to the idiot who took up over half the cot because he’d refused to get up. Levi felt some of the tension leave his body. The stubborn fool would press on, despite their loss. They would face tomorrow with their heads held high. They would return and train their new recruits for the next mission... And Levi would learn to get used to starting over.

Levi glared holes into the blond head hogging his pillow, as he realized he’d also have to get used to Erwin’s obnoxious snoring.

In this cruel world.. Levi found a moment of contentment as he nestled into his lover’s side, and finally, drifted to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you all thought c:
> 
> I was a little bit less confident writing this one. Because last time, I'd gone into it with a clear image of what I wanted to happen after watching the ova. This one took a lot more build-up and imagination.
> 
> (Ok, so Levi might seem a bit more emotional than normal in this one, but a year of pent up sexual frustration and hurt feelings can do that to a person lol.)
> 
> For my purposes, I made Erwin's team (Now Levi's) into random OC's. I know Mike was with him in the ova, but I didn't want to kill him off, so he wasn't on Levi's team when they all died.
> 
> No promises, but I may do a couple more for this series, going through the events of the anime up to *cough* their end *cough*


End file.
